You Are So Besharam James Bond!

The Censor Board is clicking its tongue in disapproval at Daniel Craig and his exploits. Just because ‘Spectre’ is allegedly going to be his last Bond film, Daniel Craig thought he could get away with a long kissing scene. Just because Aamir Khan smooches all his heroines in his film as a necessary script requirement, it doesn’t mean that a ‘firangi’ can get away with the same act.

Aapko sharam aani chahiye, James Bond bhai sahib. This is India, the land of Ekta Kapoor where the Tulsis and Parvatis just keep smiling divinely at their husbands with quintals of gold jewellery around their necks. We’re never shown how their children are begot. We add one plus one by just seeing the title song of ‘Kahani Ghar Ghar Ki’ by a man’s hand covering the woman’s who’s shielding the diya’s flame. This is our standard of intimacy Mr Bond.

You thought that just because Mr Honey Singh gets away with the ‘chaar botal vodka’ and the ‘kudiye ne tere, brown rang ne’ and ‘inna vee na dope shope marya karo’ that you could too take all the liberties? That you could also demean women by showing them as arm candy only.

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Don’t be mistaken Daniel ji! The two cases are entirely different. Yo Yo has pure ‘bhartiya sanskari’ blood running in his veins. The vulgarity is his compulsion for survival just as being James Bond is yours. So being an Indian, however gross we get, we are still redeemed because ‘hum us desh ke waasi hai, jis desh main Ganga behti hai”.

I’m so happy that the Censor Board has finally put its foot down against the f*** word! Humare paas gaaliyon ka apna khazana hai. And bhai sahab, even if all our social media is full of the f*** expletives, even if most of our youngsters are mouthing cuss words with ease, even if our ears burn with shame at the maa and behen abuses men used so abundantly, we cannot allow it in a foreign film.

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We could make an exception for our own desi films like Delhi Belly because they were so sorely required for the story to move on. Mr Craig, by just letting you use the word in your film, our culture was being threatened and the Censor Board just cannot let that happen.

Waise, shame on you! Don’t you know that the Censor Board Chairman is already overworked making juvenile documentaries in praise of PM Modi. And you come along in your swashbuckling style and add on to his workload! If India has to survive, we have to be reminded again and again of ‘achhe din’.

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You thought that like yesteryear, the sex starved nation would lap up every English film without understanding a single dialogue of it. Don’t worry! Our film industry and our video songs are marketing soft porn in the garb of culture and entertainment.

Here’s a gem from the net. James Bond has a peculiar style of introducing himself by calling first Bond, and then followed by great smile & finally James Bond. His style is absolutely killing but he doesn’t know the consequences when he meets an Indian guy:

James Bond: “My name’s Bond… (Smiles and then says)…. James Bond.”
James Bond: “And you?”
Indian Guy : “I am Sai…
Venkata Sai…
Siva Venkata Sai…
Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai….
Srinivasulu Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai…
Rajasekhara Srinivasulu Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai…..
Sitaramanjaneyulu Rajasekhara Srinivasulu Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai….
Bommiraju Sitaramanjaneyulu Rajasekhara Srinivasulu Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai….

James Bond faints!!!

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So, Mr Daniel Craig, James Bond aap honge apne ghar. Hindustan se panga nahi lene ka….

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